What does an Urban Indian woman in her 30’s seek from a relationship
What do Women Want? Sigmund Freud’s age-old question remains unanswered even today writes Aretha K in her 30’s
Many a creative mind has provided us with their own theories over the years. Like John Gray who way back in 1992 wrote “ Men are from Mars ,Women are from Venus, or in 2000 when Mel Gibson played the role of a chauvinistic ladies’ man turned Mr. Sensitive, when he developed the ability to hear what women really thought. Closer home in 2008, Rab ne Bana di Jodi, had Taani tell a ‘sidha sada’ Suri, “Ek Ladki sirf itna hi chahti hai…ki koi usse itna pyar kare…jitna kisi ne kisi se na kiya ho“( A girl only wants that… someone loves her to the extent …that no one has ever loved anyone)
Fast forward to 2020, where the Urban Indian Millennial in their 30’s, having grown up during a period of technological advancements and abundance triggered by economic liberalisation, have been repeatedly termed by many analysts as a “contradictory and confused generation”.
Constantly trying to balance a dichotomy of values with a need to switch between maintaining tradition’s versus exploring modernity and self-sufficiency in the discovery of our “unique” identities, has not made being in a relationship or deciding on a suitable marriage partner any easier.
Relationships and people are never predictable. There is never a one-size fits all mantra that can be applied. With the ever-changing rules and trying to figure out not only our own vulnerabilities, the search for that one perfect person can become a seriously daunting experience. Be it men or women, modern-day relationships seem to be a combination of need-based expectation with a deep-hidden pinch of uncertainty.
If I must rationalise and list down in general what the urban, millennial and financially independent Indian women of today want from relationships, I would say that there is a possibility of leaving any person reading this article extremely confused. She is not only looking for the family-oriented, empathetic partner who is more in touch with his/her human side, but also for an assertive, career-driven person who doesn’t shy away from making important decisions. The contradictions continue to go from affectionate yet not clingy, funny yet not overly clownish, dominant but not domineering, in control but not controlling. Still way too confusing!
Personally, if I look at what advice I would give to anyone looking for a long-lasting committed relationship with the women-of-today, I will say:
§ Stay focused on what you can control by introspecting and preparing yourself to become the kind of person your future partner needs.
§ Invest in yourself and work on those characteristics that will help you become that someone your partner can grow with and with whom your partner would be comfortable to expand their world and their consciousness with.
§ While supporting and encouraging each other’s ambitions, dreams and plans also be fun-loving, playful, and open to adventure and new experiences alongside each other.
§ In this fast-paced world of temporary quick fixes and replacements, learn to take time to communicate, open-up, share your dreams, aspirations, and ideals with your mate.
§ Focus on realistic outcomes without having overly optimistic or pessimistic ideas about relationships.
§ Take small but calculated risks not only with your own heart but also with your partner’s heart, as you both get more visibility to each other’s vulnerabilities.
§ Work on building a spiritual and intellectual rapport with your partner, which is perhaps equally if not more important than an emotional/physical rapport.
§ As a couple, work on establishing a life together embracing both the successes and uncertainties, new responsibilities, sometimes challenges and few adjustments along the way.
What does an Urban Indian woman in her 30’s seek from a relationship was originally published in andwemet on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.