Let’s talk about sex — my perspective

By Shalini

When we speak about sex we are treated like aliens from another planet. It is easier to talk about violence and guns than sex. Before writing this article, I surmised about what in my sane opinion can be written about sex. I got naked and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw it all around.

So, I’ll explain a few features of sexuality that we are not even allowed to think, let alone practice and speak of.

Sex & Sensuality: The skin is a sensual part of body that drapes all of you. While discussing sex from your finger tip to your bums there is a sensual feeling to be experienced everywhere. It is nowhere found in the places you would usually look, like Bollywood depicts. Yes, I am talking about sex when I speak of sensuality. They are both remotely different but connected umbilically. Pleasure to the senses is a straight home run. Discover which spots please your senses and enjoy them.

Sex & Sexuality: Biologically, sex is that defines your role in the process of procreation. The real life experience of using your sex is however another story. A man can be with a man, a woman can be with a woman and of course the coupling of a man and a woman are eternalised in the scriptures and myths. Did you know sexuality also exists in the choices you make? A woman can find pleasure with another woman as she would find in a man. This is often an unexplored territory within sexuality. Dare to take it up when you discuss sex next. Your satisfaction is the only choice that brings happiness.

Sex & Openness: How open are you with respect to sex? Yes, this time I am speaking of your genitalia and sexuality both. But here, we might go a step ahead. Do you think of marriage and commit to an individual or fancy an extra indulgence now and then? The term loosely defined is open marriage, a binary couple explores other partners while committing to their relationship. The wife choosing to have sex with another man isn’t infidelity. The man servicing another woman isn’t either. This man and wife don’t set the terms of fidelity as per norms of society. They choose to be happy because they discuss sex beyond the norms. Do you fancy that? Is that something which could please you? Would you like to explore the bounds of sex and stretch yourself? Attractive Points to ponder aren’t they?

Sex & Orgasm: During a recent chat with a friend we spoke about the privilege of women and their disadvantage. Multiple orgasms! Such an amazing idea, but how many times did your woman or man (no judgment on your preference) get a satisfactory orgasm? Did your woman tell you? Did your man satisfy you? Communicative couples can live longer with strength and purpose to their time together. Do it more. Discuss sex in the kitchen or at the dinner table. Your sex life is your responsibility. Don’t shy away from saying you weren’t satisfied. Your feelings are precious and so is your sexual drive. Try again, it is possible those secrets become the highlight of a relationship.

Sex & Partnership: What keeps you together as partners? Values you share, trust you build? Are you uber sapiosexuals getting high on your partner’s intelligence? Each of us have our triggers. Cultivation of commonality is necessary, extrinsic and intrinsic, for living happy sexual lives. Speaking openly is under-rated and it is uncommon to learn about the sex drive you share. In my experience, we tend to shut off the partner with ignorance, following whims to lay down more than our desires appeal. Communicate about what pleases you, more about what you do not like. We come with diverse sex drives and libido driving expectations at distinct levels. Isn’t it fair game to match with someone who shares your levels of sex drive? Match with someone who loves cozy talks with sex once a month or quench your fill with someone multiple times a day or a week.

I would prefer a choice of a partner whom I can match so we land on the same page and later the same bed constantly. With no tensions attached. Do you feel at ease mentally already? It helps loosen up anxiety and stress with the right partner waiting for you. Know yourself, choose and turn your head around today.

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Let’s talk about sex — my perspective was originally published in andwemet on Urban Asian, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.