Is Sanya’s relationship with Kabir untenable? What do you think?

Kabir was devastated. His 14-year marriage had disintegrated. His various attempts to reconcile for the sake of his child had failed miserably. His wife was firm. She wanted a divorce. Sanya appeared like a knight in shining armour. She supported him emotionally and opened her home to him. They inevitably became intimate and agreed to get married once his divorce was final. They did not hide their relationship. In the eyes of friends and family, they were a couple.

The divorce was brutal and sucked the life out of Kabir. Sanya was steadfast and Kabir grateful. He promised they would be married and start a family once the nightmare of legal proceedings had ended. It took five long years. In that time, Sanya was promoted and transferred out of the country but Kabir lost his job. He needed Sanya. Without her, he pleaded, he wouldn’t survive. So, she ditched the coveted posting and returned to Kabir. She leveraged her networked and found him an incredible opportunity. Much better than the last one. And finally, the divorce came through. At last, they could start the life they had dreamed of. Or so Sanya thought.

Kabir did a complete 180. He decided to move out. He needed some ‘me time’. Six months he promised. Sanya was in a state of horrified disbelief. But Sanya being Sanya, swallowed her feelings and convinced herself that the time alone would help him heal. Six months wasn’t that long, they would be back together soon.

That was two years ago. Sanya still believes that they are in a committed relationship. Kabir and she live in the same city but separately. Kabir’s job keeps him busy. Sanya continues to make herself available for him emotionally and physically. They no longer step out together in public or socialize as a couple. Marriage has become a taboo topic. Sanya repeats to her enquiring friends that she is not keen to be married. But in truth, her heart holds on to the hope that one glorious day, Kabir will propose.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

At andwemet we believe that in a relationship both parties must take the responsibility of making the relationship meaningful and beneficial. In a mature and healthy relationship, only one person shouldn’t have to bear this burden. And only person cannot be blamed for any problems. Kabir and Sanya could benefit from some honest introspection:

- Has Kabir has moved on? If so, does he have the courage to break it off? Why does Sanya continue to offer support? Is Sanya able to let go of her dream and see the reality of the situation?

- Does Sanya need to be needed? Does she know who she is outside the relationship? Will she stand up for herself and firmly state her needs and desires?

- Does Kabir know whether he wants a relationship? Why does he depend on Sanya as a safe harbor? Does he not respect her or does he not respect himself?

- Why the misunderstanding about the meaning of ‘me time’? Is communication a challenge in the relationship?

We would love to hear your thoughts. Please share them in the comments or write to us on info(at)andwemet.com .

Is Sanya’s relationship with Kabir untenable? What do you think? was originally published in andwemet on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.