I have been in 3 relationships!

When my marriage broke up, we decided to be completely committed for our child future. My ex was sincere and have been stuck to his commitment till now. I have never looked for an increase and he took over the child's educational expenses and I took care of the upbringing and all the other expenses within my means. The most interesting thing was even though we had our own differences relating to the child's upbringing, we had this mutual understanding of boundaries when it came to our personal life and choices. He trusted me as a mother, and I trusted him as father.

My second relationship was a big slap to my adventurous side!! I easily fell for a man who wanted me to complete him. I fell for his open vulnerability and believed that I was the love of his life. I did see a lot of signs where he ignored his commitments towards his parents or work by blaming the' thriving artist' in him." True artists can never have a family" he would often say! Yes, I was his so-called muse and how naïve I was to fall in that honey trap that fed my own ego!!! Very soon I became boring and monotonous, and he was in search for his next inspiration!!! Funnily, he believed in no commitments. At one point it was attractive as it was living a life in complete freedom...Only later I realized that it was connected more to fear than freedom. I hated myself for avoiding all the signs that made things evident that this was not meant for me. I was desperately trying the relationship to work for the sake of my sanity and to escape shame in the eyes of the society i live in. Eventually I had let go all my hopes and dreams and move on in shame and disappointment as life became a living hell.

" Only when u left with nothingness you will understand the worth of that tiny peck of light that sneaks inside a dark tunnel". That is what happened in my third relationship. I simply plunged there with no expectations!!! He was a divorcee committed towards his children. He also had a huge financial responsibility towards his ex! That was the time he took a complete sabbatical from his job and was a stay home dad. With all these complications I was welcome in open arms with my own daughter. Within few months I was pregnant with our first child. The pregnancy made me fall in love with all the unloved parts of me. His commitment towards me and all our children never faltered. We stay in the same commitment through our actions but never through promises that raise hopes..It was unsaid and became stronger day by day.

This relationship was my true test to my own liberation.  I saw myself embracing all of me in love and acceptance. I stopped valuing any position I hold so far!!! Today I am able to move from a role of a mother / friend / lover / child based on the need and easily let go of the same position any  given moment. Today, I don't have any qualms in addressing these phases of my life in deep gratitude.

All these 3 relationships simply mirrored by own state of mind and helped me to let go of all my own sense of desire, adventure, ambitions that were never meant for me! Today, I am happy to embark in the same journey in open arms to receive than being in control. I dedicate this post to the love of my life. Thank you for bringing me in this state of loving myself completely.