Creating Your Ideal Partner Checklist

If you're here and reading this, you're serious about finding your person. This writeup may ask you to unlearn old habits and gain a new perspective. Here are some tips that may help you gain clarity on your thoughts as you search for your person. Before you read ahead, grab a paper and a pen and write down your answers to each point as asked.

Section A - Respond to yourself with a Yes/No

1. It has been months/years searching for my person.
2. I have been in a hurry to enter into a relationship.
3. I have been ghosted and it has upset me. 
4. But do I need to focus my energy on the individual who has ghosted me.
5. In the 1st date I discuss all that I want from the relationship.
6. I don't have any insecurities.
7. I know the person I am with may come with insecurities.
8. I am a good communicator and express well.
9. I understand that the person I get introduced to may be someone who may not be able to express well in the first few interactions.
10. I have thought about my professional life, have a bucket list of places to travel, but never reflected on the Must Haves in my prospective partner. 
    

The responses to the sentences above are likely to make you reflect about a few things.

Section B - Create a list with 3 columns with headers: My Strengths | What I Bring to the Relationship | Aspects I Need to Work On

It's interesting that when asked, we can talk fluently about aspects we need to work on but struggle to appreciate our strengths which are important to recognise. Also rarely or never do we consider what we bring to a romantic relationship but are aware of what we want from one.

Doing this exercise gives us a perspective on what we contribute to the relationship.

Section C - Create 3 columns on afresh sheet of paper with headers: Must Have | Good To Have | OK to Not Have

This exercise becomes easier when you've completed the earlier one about what you bring to the relationship.

1. List down everything you want in a partner, including basic traits like loyalty, honesty, and respect— though these three should be a given in all individuals.
2. Divide the list into three columns as per the shared headers. The 'Must Have' column should be the shortest, ideally with 5-7 asks. The 'OK to Not Have' should be the longest list.
3. The 'Must Have' list is the most sacred of all—when searching for someone, see if they tick your Must Haves. If they do, get to know them at a deeper level. This list also comes in handy during disagreements and when you feel like giving up—this is the time to revisit this column to remind yourself why you're with this person. This list has helped me keep my relationship.
4. The ask on the other 2 columns are great to have but do not lose focus on your Must Have.

All three exercises may take a maximum of 90 minutes of your time, but doing them will bring you clarity in identifying the 5-7 things you wish to find in your person versus the good-to-have/OK to not have traits, which means it will help you meet your person sooner than you think.

Do let us know how it goes. And you may also like to read tips on how to convert your intial meetings into something long-term.

You have questions and are looking for a safe space to discuss then this link may be helpful - https://forms.gle/9sdumrJPs5NBmWkaA